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And then it hit me

October 10, 2011

The end of her statement seemed to flood right by me as I sat and stared at her. Sam and Mary Alice were quick to congratulate my mother, I, however, remembered that my mother was in her 60s. She had just told me she was engaged to a 37-year-old. I didn’t believe her one bit.

I burst out laughing, wiping a tear from my eye as our main courses arrive. “oh mom! you had me going there for a minute.” I wiped the tears from my eyes as I laughed, rocking in my chair. All three of them stared at me with a look of bewilderment on their faces. The silence seemed to be louder when I stopped laughing. “Your… you are kidding…. right?” I continued to look at them. “right….?”

When I stared at my mother. The smile had faded from her face and a tear was falling down her cheek. It was then, that i realised, I was not being punk’d. Ashton Kutcher was not going to jump out from under the next table and scream “YOU’VE JUST BEEN PUNK’D” That was unfortunately not going to happen.

“Mum?” I took her hand as she looked away from me. “Your kidding…. Tell me!” “No Sam. I am not!” Her voice startled me. I drew back my hand and just stared at her. How could she do this? She was my mother! I had seen things like this in movies and in the paper. But this was not something that was…. allowed. It just went against nature. When I looked around the table, I realised I was the only one who seemed to find something wrong with it. “I thought, you of all people Sam, I thought you would understand, and support me. How could you!”

“How? How could I? How could you mum! He is thirty frickin seven! He’s closer to my age than he is to your age! How could YOU!” I could not handle the fact that my mother thought she was doing something right. “Mary Alice, Tell her!” But my friend stared back at my with a blank expression. The look she had when she knew she didn’t agree with me. “Mary…. Come On… Seriously!” I rolled my eyes and threw down my napkin on the most delicious meal I had just wasted. “I can’t do this.” I stood up, opening my purse and throwing down the handful of cash I had withdrawn specifically for this meal. “Sammy you sit down right now.”

I ignored my mothers orders and turned on my heel, walking out of the restaurant. Tears were streaming down my face at the thought of my mothers betrayal. A betrayal, not to me, but to the memory of my father. It may have been different if her fiance was closer to her age, but the fact that he was so young, seemed like an insult to my dad’s memory. It may have also been different if I had stuck around instead of moving to London.

As I walked in a direction I was unaware of, I found myself walking along side the River Thames. London was beautiful at night, and considering where the restaurant was, I was extremely surprised I had walked so far without realising the change in scene. I picked a spot basking in the moonlight when I got tired. Pulling my shoes off, I sat on the ledge that bordered the river and just cried. My tears had mother. I was now crying for myself.

Somehow, over the course of the past few months in London, I had changed. I had become a person I could not recognise in the waters reflection. The old me would never have yelled at my mother like that, even if I did disagree with her. I would never have even dared to walk away from her like I had done. But that wasn’t the only thing that had changed. I looked down in the reflection of the water and I saw a girl with make-up tainting her face, a girl who had stilettos resting on the ledge next to her. A girl who was wearing an unbelievably low-cut dress. The same girl who used to laze around in her PJs all day, work in trainers and shirts.

I know what your thinking, People change, get over it… but I honestly thought I was different….

 

This wasn’t the girl I used to be… I had changed. I had broken the one vow I had made to myself when I embarked upon this trip to London… to be true to myself, and here I was, plain as day…. a lie.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I almost fell from my place as I jumped, startled. In my deep train of thought, I hadn’t even heard anyone pass by me. I turned around, and to my suprise, I saw one person I least expected to see. A heavily pregnant Mama Hen. “What… are you doing here?” My red nose and puffy eyes made my voice a little shakey, but I tried to be as civil as possible. After all, she did hate me….

She sighed as she pulled herself onto the empty space beside me, pulling out a bottle of what looked like vintage whiskey.  It was only then I realised her own set of puffy eyes. “Ah… well… I come here alot… to clear my head….” She shrugged as she pulled the cap off and chugged atleast two mouthfuls of alcohol in one turn.  She passed me the bottle and I willingly took it. I took a sip of this new substance, instantly  choking. “Ah, your a virgin to this huh.” She laughed a little and rubbed my back as I composed myself. “Where did you find this???” I looked at her and a smirk grew on her face. “Smooth has a whole vintage collection thats worth over 3 mill…. well… not anymore, I’ve kinda dwindled it down to half a mill.”

I looked at her with pity, when she took the bottle from my hand. “Should you be drinking…. you know… you are pregnant and all.” That statement seemed to make her burst into tears. “How am I supposed to care about this baby.” She covered her face with her hands as she began to bawl out her tears. “I cant afford to give up my job and be a single mother. I dont want to give up my job. I’m a horrible mother. A horrible person!”

I had no idea how to console her. Instead I pulled th bottle of whiskey out of her hand and threw it into the water. I let her spend the next few hours crying on my shoulder till she was ready to go home. After dropping her off too her apartment, I walked to my own, which was close by. I was ready to apologised and try to give my mother some support but when I got home, I was welcomed into an empty house. There was a message on the machine and when I checked it, Mary Alice’s voice rang out into the empty room.

“Your mother is still upset about your lack of support, she didn’t want to come home. I’ve booked her into a B&B, Me and Sam are going to stay with her tonight, She is pretty upset. I hope your happy.”

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One Comment leave one →
  1. November 1, 2011 4:26 am

    Did you design the layout this well with the default blog tools? Your post is incredible.

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