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You could have fooled me Somethin’

July 18, 2011

So you probably want to know what happened on my date with Porter Boy…. It was amazingly fun.

I never knew, in my whole week of knowing him, that he was actually a comic. A very funny one, like… Omid Djalili. (I love that guy!), not one of those like Peter Kay who thinks he is funny but can’t make a room full of people even muffle laughter. And his impressions had me in stitches. So in all, the night went well and I even got a little inside gossip on the set of the Lion King Production.

The night ended with Mary Alice scampering off with her new boy toy. Porter Boy hailed me a cab and paid for it to drop me off, although he apologized continually for not personally dropping me home. A gentleman indeed. It was obvious that I spent the whole time smiling home and dreaming of days to come.


My incredible night was not followed by an incredible day. It was safe to say that the sour mood had not improved and my presence was very unwelcome. Mama Hen had turned into this monster from hell, yet I was the only target in her eye. I could see why, but it wasn’t my fault. I had not known he was married. I just wished I was cut some slack.

When I got in, I was ready to start writing up my piece on the Lion King. But as soon as I switched on the PC. I had a message pop up…. from Mr Smooth.

See me in my office as soon as you get in.

Short, abrupt and evil to the bone. I looked around at everyone. Mama Hen was busying herself with the Sweet Valley’s and the brunette in the corner refused to socialize. Lone Ranger was half glancing in my direction so i made silent attempts to get his attention. “What?” I pulled his chair over and pointed to my screen that held the open message. “What should I do?” Lone Ranger read the message than shrugged. “Go see what he wants. He is the boss after all you can’t ignore him.” So much help that was. I frowned as Lone Ranger returned to his desk. As I was about to turn back to my desk, I noticed Mama Hen glaring at me with a chiseled face and crossed arm. I attempted a feeble smile before turning to my desk, closing the message and leaving the room to head to my doom.

Knock. Knock. Knock. I waited with held breath. “Yeah.” I took that as my cue to enter the office. “Close the door.” One word flew into my head as Mr Smooth spoke without even acknowledging me. Jackass. I did as I was told, hoping that this wouldn’t put in a wrong idea if Mama Hen found out. “You wanted to see me?” “Yes. Please sit.” Still, he didn’t look up to acknowledge me. I felt two inches tall as I pulled out a chair and sat down in front of his desk.  I waited in silence, just waiting for something, yelling, firing, something. But I waited for nothing. After what seemed like 20 minutes, he finally looked away from his laptop screen and looked up at me.  “So I think you know why your here Indi. And I just want to make it clear…” “That this is all your fault. YOU came on to ME.” Silence. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut but I wasn’t planning on going down without a fight. Mr Smooth just looked at me with an expressionless face. Although I did notice a slight smirk at the corners of his lips.

“Ok fine. I did come on to you, but you are the one who opened your mouth to my wife.” It sounded like he was being a little bitter towards me but I couldn’t tell from his emotionless tone. “I’m not going to fire you but working with Jen” (Mama Hen) “is going to cause problems.” I waited silently, wondering what my fate would be. “Your being moved to Local. Rebekkah is in charge there, finish up what you have to do today and then from tomorrow morning someone will take you to that department.” I stared at him, unable to react. I was being moved? For something that wasn’t even my fault? I stood up and turned to walk out but stopped short when he started speaking again. “And I would appreciate you keeping quiet about why your being moved. And if you could apologised to Jen for lying about our tryst I would appreciate it.” “Lying? So thats why she hasn’t dumped you yet. Because I was lying.” I turned and glared at him, but it wasn’t worth it. I needed this job.

I turned on my heel and went to my office. Grabbing my jacket and my bag, I switched off my PC and left the building, calling Mary Alice to join me for lunch.


I didn’t go back to work until the next morning. As I headed to my usual department, I was stopped in my tracks by Wild Head Rebekkah. “Hey Indi! Hows it going?” (We had met briefly during my first day when I was shown around.) “Hey your supposed to be coming to Local today, but we have all been called to the board room for some announcement so lets go.” I didnt say anything as I wasn’t in the mood but she dragged me anyway.

The room was full around the large board room table when we arrived. Everyone from the First Floor was present, including those of the old department. I waved at Lone Ranger who looked glum but managed to wave back. I walked over to him and stood between him and Rebekkah so I could as him what was going on. “I have no idea. Email was sent round today to meet here.

I nodded just as the doors opened again and Mr Smooth walked in with Mama Hen. “Morning Everyone.” Mama Hen looked a distant image to what she was yesterday. She was smiling as she held onto her husband’s hand. “Morning.” The two of them took the center stage as the room mubled back a greeting. “I know your all wondering why your here.” Mr Smooth put his hands together as he adressed everybody. I remained standing with my confused look plastered on my face. “Me and Jen have two things we want to share with you all today. First…” He put his arm around his wife. “We are renewing our vows, and we want all of you at the blessing!” The room filled with ‘whoops’ and claps and cheers. I myself clapped even though I thought this whole drama was doomed to fail. “And Secondly….” Mama Hen’s beaming face was pitiful, if only she believed what a rat her husband really was. “I’m Pregnant!” The whole room burst into noise of ‘whoops’ and claps and screams of congratulations… only it was silent to me. My eyes met with Mama Hen’s who looked at me with a smirk as if she was saying ‘I win. You lose.’ If only she believed the truth.

23 Comments leave one →
  1. August 20, 2011 6:53 pm

    Pulitzer prize material here.

  2. August 20, 2011 6:26 am

    You my friend are a genius

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